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Janay's Cancer Blog

One year milestone

Hi everyone!

so sorry it has been so long. Life is quite a challenge these days, I can hardly keep up.  I just celebrated my one year in remission!

while this is great news, at this same time my dad is in the hospital getting ready to go into hospice.  He was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer a few months ago and now it has spread to his brain, hips, urinary tract.  Treatment is not an option.

we have never been close but this is pretty hard to see. I would never wish this on anyone. He is also the one who graciously passed down the BRCA gene to me. Sometimes I feel like I am seeing my fate right in front of me when I think about him.

overall though, the kids and I are doing pretty well. Work is going great, the boys have had an awesome summer. They go to camp Kesem next week, which is a summer camp for kids with parents who have cancer.  I'm excited they got accepted to the camp.

i hope you all are doing well. Please check in sometime.  I miss hearing from you all...Sabina, Nan, Jennifer, Irene.....

keep fighting!

 

April likes this post.
4 people sent you a hug.
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Congratulations, Janay on your first of a whole lot of years in remission!
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New meds

Hi all! 

Ive been seeing quite a few posts lately and I am glad we are all staying active on here. Thank you all for following me and your kind words. 

I saw my psychiatrist a couple of weeks ago to get help with my depression. She put me on a second med for my depression called Trileptal. This is an anti seizure med that is also commonly used as a "mood stabilizer". It seems to be helping me a bit. People at work have noticed I am more engaged and have been laughing.  My son says I seem less stressed, and best of all I have not been spending my weekends crying and focusing on death. I am no longer going to bed at 7 pm. I wouldn't say it has made everything magically disappear but it has at least brought me out that dark hole I was in.  I am grateful for that. 

I had my 6 month radiation follow up and everything seems to be ok there so I don't have to return for a year!  I do have my scan coming up in a few weeks though, and get results on March 7th. I have a bit of concern because I have been experiencing some body aching in my legs and arms so of course I jump to "has it spread"???  

I started a weekly tai chi class for cancer patients/survivors a couple of weeks ago. It is offered for free through the hospital where I go to therapy. It is interesting to see how tense I really am. I can really tell the difference after I go to class. I hope with time that my body and mind will be trained to relax a bit.

Ive had some realizations about Matt too. Now that I have had time away from him I realize how toxic he was to have in my life. He brought deception, betrayal, anger, jealousy, dishonesty, you name it. I allowed him to do that for 5 years!  I am working through figuring out why I allowed that in my life. For a while, I was so sad after our break up and almost took him back twice. Now though I realize it was just because I didn't want to be alone and that he really doesn't bring anything good to my life. I'm better off alone. I have enough to worry about already. I am not even looking to date anyone. I'm just trying to mentally get better for myself and my boys. 

I am trying to decide if I want to join a cancer support group or not. It meets once a month.  I would like to make some friends locally who can understand what we are going through and relate but at the same time I feel like maybe that is bringing too much cancer into my life. I go to a weekly cancer  therapist, now weekly tai chi for cancer patients, so I'm not sure if I will be on cancer overload. What do you all think? 

I hope you are all doing well and hanging in there. Each of our experiences are unique but I am grateful that we

 

 

Irene likes this post.
Sabina sent you a prayer.
Bill, Jennifer sent you a hug.
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I am glad you are going forward. I must say I suffer from the same losses. It's a struggle, and I think people don't understand how hard it is, when everyone in your family and friends abandons you after getting cancer(for different reasons).
I do think, just keep trying different things. You are very young, and have many options. Take your time, get invested with a cancer group.
I am going to one, but it's frustrating, because only once a month. We have no other connection, and they take up most of the time with relaxation. I like talking, getting to know and support, others.
I think like life, it just takes a fresh start, with people that have enough in common.
It sounds like you are single, now, which others don't understand the void: so be very, very kind to yourself, and follow your guts.
I should take my own advice.
Hugs Jean
Janay likes this comment
Janay,
Wow! You seem in a much better place then you were when you last posted. I am so glad that you have been put on a medication that is helping. I think a lot of times we take care of our bodies but forget about our mental well being. I hope you get good results from your scan!
Janay likes this comment
Hi Janay, You sound wonderful. You truly have steered your life in a fine direction. Just keep on feeling the sunshine. Stop now and then and just listen to the birds singing. There is nothing in life they can't carry you away from. And they are always there and always willing. You're okay and doing great! Bill
Janay likes this comment
So glad to hear things are better. I must thank you for sharing this, I am struggling with the depression part. It really sounds as if seeking help on that level has been a step in the right direction to make life tolerable. I had a bad day today got into that dark place and the tears kept coming, so I let them. Now I am mentally zapped on top of physically, so Im not much good for anything right now. I have felt so bad after round one, last night I had convinced myself to halt treatment and live what life I have left. That's a cop out an easy way out, that's so NOT me. The least I could do is seek help, I could be just one new med away from living life and staying out of the dark place. I see my doctor Monday and will discuss this. I believe that everything happens for reason, today your life has touched mine, thank you for reminding me that I am not alone and my emotions are normal under the circumstances and that help is out there, all I have to do is ask for it. I don't know much about your relationship, the way you describe it is very toxic, you made the right decision to break away, you do not need nor deserve that in your life. I say that with confidence, as I have been with my husband for 40 years in July. I would not have made it this far without his positive and loving support. You have that with your boys. You are on the right track and now steering me in the right direction, for that I am eternally grateful. This is what I love about our BFAC family, one persons experience is another's saving grace. Good luck with your classes, maybe try the support group it may be just what you are looking for, if not you don't have to stay. God bless you!
Hi Ann! I'm so glad I was able to help by just sharing my story. I'd love to help you in any way I can. So many of us are focused on the treatment that our mental/emotional needs get pushed aside. Cancer is a "loss" we experience and we al grieve in different ways and at different times in the process. Please keep me posted on how you are doing, and do ask your doc for help! :)
Join the group. If it feels too much for you then you can stop. Research supports the benefits of group therapy Amount's cancer fighters showing a higher rate of survival for participants of a group vs. those who did not join one. I'm not trying to suggest that you are at risk of dying, I have no idea about your status at this time. I'm just trying to
Lint out that having a community of people you can speak to not only has emotional benefits, but physiological benefits as well.
Thanks Regina! I never thought about that aspect. I have a 50% survival rate so anything that can help is much appreciated. Thank you for mentioning this!
Happy birthday to you! I have been thinking about starting to see someone about the cancer side effects and how I feel about what it has done to my life. I am two and a half years post treatment. I do not have any friends who have had cancer. Except for the people on this blog. I hope you are well
Talking with someone definitely helps! It can feel so isolating not having someone to talk to who can relate. I am always willing to listen. If you're interested, message me and we can exchange numbers. Hang in there!
Hi Janay! I haven't been in here for so long, but just logged in and saw what you wrote. You sound like you are in such a better place overall, so happy to hear it! I say go to the support group, you may or may not like it, but you'll never know unless you go. Im so happy to hear you are moving forward and really focusing on what you want and need! If we learn anything from this journey, it is that life is short and we have to live each day and eliminate the toxins from our lives. Sending you a huge hug! Keep it up!!!
Thanks Irene! How are things going for you these days?
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Vital Info

Posts

November 18, 2015

March 22, 1974

Cancer Fighter

Cancer Info

Breast Cancer

Triple Negative

October 8, 2015

Stage 2

over 6.1

Grade 3

Negative

Negative

No

Yes

Feeling alone

It is more common that I realized

Not scheduled until 2016. Double mastectomy and hysterectomy

Started chemo Oct 2015. Will be complete end of January 2016

To begin March 2016

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